On Weiner’s Weenie!
Reflections on Sex, Politics and Common Sense
What does it tell us about Americans, and the society we have built, that the biggest political news story which has the country atwitter is a tawdry tale about a Congressman who likes to flash his manly assets on Twitter. We have just received word that the American economy has experienced a jobless recovery with record corporate profits and a rising unemployment rate; yet the Republicans will not allow any more government help for the desperately unemployed – even if they will be building the new American infrastructure to support the “New Economy” envisioned by President Obama.
The intelligence has also recently reached our ears that yet another American missile has flown astray and killed innocent civilians – including children – in the course of prosecuting our endless war in Afghanistan. American soldiers were ambushed and slaughtered in Iraq just days ago, and the Alaskan Barbarian who pretends to the Presidency thought Paul Revere’s ride was to warn the British! Yet the entire nation seems mesmerized by the revelation that Congressman Wiener has been flashing his weenie – albeit like a pig in a blanket – in private tete a tetes with consenting adult women online.
While the grownups are outraged, shocked, or otherwise scandalized by the revelation, its old news to their kids; they do it all the time: It’s called “Sexting!” In spite of the growing alarm, which threatens to become mass hysteria on the part of parents and school officials about this salacious activity: It’s the safest form of sex presently known to man! And in this age of deadly sexually transmitted diseases it certainly beats swapping bodily fluids, like many of my generation did! The most important revelation in Wiener’s public confession of his sins is that he has had no bodily contact with the Ladies before whom he flashed his weenie.
And unless you are the sort of religious fanatic who believes it is possible to have sinful thoughts which can condemn you to hell, this is a big difference. It was just good clean sexting; albeit a bit naughty – which is after all the object of the flirtation – but has also proven to be politically injurious alas. Yet unlike those self-righteous pillars of moral rectitude and holier than thou pious prigs; I think whatever danger the Congressman’s behavior poses to the moral development of American youths is more than countered by the idea that it’s alright to get off on Cyber-Sex – that you don’t actually have to do it for real! The benefits of such a revelation should be obvious to all but religious fanatics or ideological prudes!
Furthermore, those who are most likely to go bonkers over this with silly pious prattle about masturbation being a mortal sin, like the Catholic church for instance, would do well to counsel their Priests that it is far better to wiggle your weenie at consenting adults in cyberspace, than bugger a boy in the butt who is a member of your congregation and mesmerized by the divinely ordained authority of the Priesthood! In the first instance there are no victims – as was the case when Wiener flashed his weenie – and in the second case you have stolen the innocence of youth and damaged the person for life! So who are they to talk?
Unlike some our greatest leaders of the past – King David, Samson, King Solomon, Thomas Jefferson, Dwight Eisenhower, John Kennedy, Sugar Willie Clinton, need I go on? – Wiener’s transgression was a sin of the mind rather than the flesh! As far as I am concerned this is principally a matter between Congressman Wiener and his wife – it’s nobody else’s’ business! Thus far she does not appear to have decided to quit him – at least that’s what he says, although his word is not exactly reliable just now. Yet who among us wouldn’t lie if caught with yo drawers and yo Johnson at the ready? But if it be true that his wife is not quitting, that should serve as a guide for the rest of us. Otherwise we shall end up like the stranger the old Ibo proverb, “who comes to the funeral and cries louder than the bereaved family!” The wise proverbial voice warns us to be suspicious of such poseurs.
If it be true that the Congressman’s wife, who is an orthodox Muslim, has not quite the Congressman, I cannot be more royal than the Queen! If his wife is not quitting I’ll perish the thought. Anyway, what really matters most to me is not whether Wiener gets off flashing his weenie online, which, in any case, I believe is now behind him; but the positions he fights for in the Congress. By that measure he is a paragon of virtue!
Fighting the Good Fight
A Brilliant Progressive Voice!
Harlem, New York
June 7, 2011